A National Lampoon's American Congress [A Movie Suggestion]

The classic movie "Animal House," now obviously 30 years ahead of its time, has a scene where the frat boys destroyed a fellow frat's car, and the highlight of the scene was "You f**ked up. You trusted us!"

Here's the segment found on YouTube:

Transcript:

D-Day: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Otter: Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You f**ked up - you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Flounder: [crying] That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell Fred?
Otter: I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and in the morning, it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, the insurance company buys your brother a new car.
Flounder: Will that work?
Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

Here's a proposed script for the future American Congress version:

Hank Paulson: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Congress: Citizen, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You f**ked up - you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Citizen: [crying] That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell my family?
Paulson: I'll tell you what. We'll tell your family you were doing a great job taking care of your investments, but you parked it all in a money market fund and now it's gone. We report it to the Feds, Paulson takes care of the wreck and the FDIC makes your family investments whole again.
Citizen: Will that work?
Paulson: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Bush: [thrusting six-pack into the Citizen's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Paulson: Better listen to him, Citizen, he's in pre-med.

We owe today's commentary to Warren Buffett, who said in this Associated Press article Buffett says economy needs immediate help:

"This really is an economic Pearl Harbor," Buffett said. "That sounds melodramatic, but I've never used that phrase before. And this really is one."
. . .
"In my adult lifetime, I don't think I've ever seen people as fearful economically as they are now," the 78-year-old Buffett said.
. . .
But Buffett warned that taxpayers shouldn't expect immediate results from the bailout plan, because it may take several years for the economy to recover.

"The recession is going to get worse," Buffett said. "I don't want to hold out false hopes that -- by some magic bullet -- that things will turn around in a couple months."

Obviously, our financial crisis is NOT a laughing matter, nor a joke.
Today, we must say, "NO MORE!"
The Dragon Wins NO MORE!
Let's accept our failures now. Congress proved themselves not worthy of our trust.
Pass the American Monetary Act to prevent giving away TITLE to our homeland.

---

© 2008 by Edward Ulysses Cate
Help Support This Site
Commentary Index:
Home: